5 Things I Didn’t Appreciate About My Mom ‘Til My 30s

I love my mom, but like every kid, there were things I took for granted about her as I was growing up. As I get older and parent my own kids, I think about some of the gifts she gave me over the years that I didn’t thank her enough for. Here’s the short list.

Thanks, mom, for…

Hot meals

Growing up, my mom prioritized meals. She usually got up before me and had breakfast waiting. On exam days, it was oatmeal. Even if I had zero time and was rushing out the door, she would put out a box of cereal and a bowl and some milk for me. It was just food at the time, but now I see it for the gesture of love that it was. I never appreciate it more than when I’m getting my own kids ready for school, and it’s all I can manage to toast a bagel, smear it with cream cheese, and shove it into my son’s mouth as I’m hustling him out the door.

Career direction

The more applications I review from flailing liberal arts students looking for a job — any job — the more I appreciate the career guidance I got from my mom. I was an artistic kid, and when I was young I thought maybe I’d be an artist. My mom, with infinite wisdom and foresight, gave me the opportunity to talk with an art director at an ad agency when I was in fifth grade, to explore what it would be like to be an artist without the whole “starving” thing. I’m eternally grateful to her and feel like I owe much of my career success to her gentle guidance. She never pushed. She just listened and offered up options that she thought I would find interesting. I know I’ll try to pass on that favor to my kids.

A sense of style

I hated shopping when I was a kid. As a young girl, I would much rather be out playing sports or running around, and I felt like the mall was stifling. As a teenager, I felt awkward. I didn’t know myself well enough to know how I “should” dress. I was an anxious mess when I looked at racks of clothes, and it was misery. To my mom’s great credit, she tried to stick it out with me. She has always been tasteful and creative when it comes to clothes. And she tried to make it fun for me to shop. In return, I pointed all my teenage angst and frustration — at not knowing myself or my body enough to make fashion choices — at her when we shopped together. I feel awful about that now, because all of her amazing insights and discernment did eventually sink in… it just took about 15 years.

Manners

I don’t want to say, “What’s up with kids these days?” but, what’s up with kids these days?! As annoyed as my younger self was at being told to get my elbows off the table, I’m really glad my mom put a high priority on manners. From how to behave when you’re a guest in someone’s home, to the importance of thank you notes, to how to take a message for someone on the telephone, and how to cut meat like a lady, I appreciate the little gestures that show others they’re respected. I’m grateful she gave me those lessons every time I get a weak handshake or disrespectful address. Thanks, mom, for saving me from barbarism.