When I became a mom, I learned quickly that having kids means having anxiety. Motherhood is a state of constant worry: “Am I feeding them the right things?” “Should it be organic?” “Are they in enough classes?” “Are they in too few classes?” “How will I know what to do next?” and, “Is there more to life than diaper changes?”
I’ve definitely experienced my share of stress and anxiety and am so thankful for the great friends and family I have. I’ve found that there are three types of girlfriends every mom should include in her support system.
The mom with an older child
When you are able to have open, honest conversations, the mom friend who has an older child is great. She tells you what is normal and not in the bodily output realm. She puts your worries in perspective and tells you that this, too, shall pass. She normalizes your feelings. She relates to your anxiety and shares stories from the battlefield. She can act as a guinea pig for products, let you know the best library groups around, and advise on what not to spend time or money on. She may even have toys you can borrow! If this was a friend of yours pre-kids, you have a newfound respect for her as you step into her shoes, and you have a new bond.
A word of caution: Moms with older children can be hugely valuable resources. However, these moms can be super helpful or super hurtful. If they seem perfect, or if you feel judged by them, watch out. In order for these to be the fulfilling relationships they can be, make sure you have open communication with them and vulnerability is shared, otherwise, you could leave feeling worse than you started.
The mom with a younger child
This time, you’re the expert. The mom with a younger child looks to you for advice and knowledge — and to see that you made it through whatever stage she is going through. You know how important it was to have the wise woman you could talk to, and you get to be that woman now. You feel as though you are able to give back, to impart wisdom, to share battle stories. You feel empowered to pass on knowledge. It makes you happy to lend the clothes your child has outgrown, so at least they will be worn more than once. You feel a sense of mastery. Make sure you keep yourself in check — don’t be too preachy, lest your friend feels judged.
The woman with no kids
Yes, it can be frustrating to make plans with this woman — for both of you. She doesn’t understand why you are always late or why you need to know specifics on time, food, or facilities. You don’t understand why she doesn’t want to hear the every detail of your child’s latest poop. But this woman keeps you sane. When you are lamenting about how your life has become nothing but kids’ songs and wiping food off the floor, she is there to remind you about the great beyond. She talks to you as someone besides a mom. She reminds you about your other worth. She often can be an auntie and see your kids in a whole new, not exhausted way. She is great at sending you the latest blogs, podcasts, or library books, and she reminds you to take time for yourself.
Of course, it’s important to remember that for every friend you count on, there are those who count on you — you know, besides your kids!
