When I was pregnant with my son I had a few minor worries, but nothing huge. I was one of the first of my friends to get pregnant, and both my family and my husband’s are very supportive of natural birth and healthy pregnancies, so I’d heard only great stories from our moms and sisters. We ended up with a fantastic pregnancy and a great birth and postpartum period. I was thrilled.
But now we are thinking about number two, and I have way more anxiety about the whole thing (even before being pregnant!) this time around. I’ve met so many women who had such wildly differing experiences with pregnancy and birth. I have friends who tried for years to get pregnant, friends who struggle with secondary infertility, so many friends experiencing miscarriage, and even a few friends who have lost babies to very preterm delivery. I’ve had friends endure traumatic births, one whose child had a stroke during delivery, and plenty with postpartum woes like depression.
To add to all that, for my first pregnancy I only needed to think about how my husband and I would transition to being parents. Now, we know we will have a few rough patches and probably come out stronger in the end, but I also have to think about our son and how he will transition to being a big brother. And I’m already mourning the loss of our one-on-one relationship (even though I’m also very excited to see him grow into his new role).
Things were so great for us the first time that I (irrationally) think somehow we are “due” for an issue or a problem, even though I know (rationally) that isn’t how life works.
I don’t know the best way to deal with all this. I do know that all of my friends with multiple children love it — no one ever regrets having a baby, right? And I do think sibling relationships make you a better person — and I’m excited for my son to experience this — but I don’t know how to calm my mind.
Have you experienced this? What worked for you?
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