It’s my pleasure to introduce you to Becca Shimshak. We too connected through Uprooted: A Jewish Response to Infertility where Becca serves as the Executive Director. She and her husband Steve live in Needham, MA, where they are raising their twin daughters, Isabella Rose and Zoe Ann. This is Becca’s story of becoming a mom later than she expected and dealing with the various bumps along the way. 

Journey to Parenting (5)

“Did you have twins the old fashioned way?” the clerk at the mall asked me when I was beaming about my two beautiful, healthy girls who were two months old.

“I had them the new fashioned way,” I smiled as I signed the receipt and walked back to my family who was waiting for me at the front of the store.

sYes, I have been blessed with twins thanks to phenomenal doctors, incredible persistence and a miracle that will always be beyond my comprehension. The era we live in is amazing and challenging all at the same time.

picture 1During some health challenges in my 20s, it was hard to see my friends grow their families and not be ready to do so myself. By my mid 30’s, I was physically healthy enough to have a child, but after six months of trying I was not seeing progress. Anyone over 35 is considered advanced maternal age, so my OB sent us to Boston IVF. As it turned out, I had an ovarian cyst and endometriosis that required surgery.

Then I got pregnant! We had a due date: May 2, 2014. Ecstatic, we started to take weekly belly pictures even though my stomach was flat.

On the Eve of Yom Kippur, we went for our seven week ultrasound. The nurse called us in and, sadly said there was not yet a heartbeat and a 50/50 shot that it was a miscarriage.  Five days later, the miscarriage was confirmed. It was due to a common genetic abnormality. I celebrated that indeed I could get pregnant and my body naturally rejected that which was not healthy.

And yet, for someone who is so social and verbal, I felt speechless. I needed time to heal. My healing couldn’t happen until I realized that miscarriage was a true loss; a loss of my hopes and my dreams for a future. Before I could heal and generate new hope, I needed to grieve and mourn the loss of May 2nd, the prospect of motherhood at my fingertips. A wise friend said to me, give it six months. I had to bring myself back to life. After all, if I wasn’t loving life, how could I bring new life into this world?

picture 2Once I began to see that I was indeed strong enough to endure a miscarriage, I realized I was strong enough for IVF. When moving forward, I wanted to do it as effectively as possible – which meant PGD – pre-implantation genetic diagnosis. I had learned about it from a person I met through Mayyim Hayyim. PGD had not been on my radar, as we were not carriers of genetic abnormalities. I wanted to avoid years of miscarriages due to genetic abnormalities and most importantly, the difficult emotional and physical healing processes. I was skeptical about components like gender selection yet the focus for me was about achieving a healthy pregnancy.

I was fortunate that my first round of IVF was successful. I was pregnant with twins! Now we had a new due date to look forward to: November 2, 2014, six months to the day from my miscarriage due date. I promised myself that if I was blessed with twins I would advocate so others get support from the Jewish community as I did. My daughters Zoe and Isabella were born on October 14th and every day is a blessing, albeit the hardest job I have ever had!

I encourage others to share their story because we can learn from one another and in turn get closer to heal and fulfill our dreams.

 

Journey to Parenting is brought to you by Stork Ready.  Stork Ready is conveniently located 15 miles north of Boston at 325 Main Street in North Reading. Offering a wide range of classes and support groups.  Childbirth Education, Breastfeeding, Infant CPR, Newborn Essentials, Mommy and Baby Groups, Lactation and Postpartum  Adjustment  Support Groups. All in a relaxed homelike atmosphere. Their experienced staff are certified in many fields as well as work on labor and delivery & maternity units. Visit their website to see all that they offer.

If you have a story that you’d like to tell, please email me. We’re looking for guest posts of about 300-600 words long, accompanied by a couple of pictures.