Before I had kids, I never really thought about whether I’d be a stay-at-home mom. In fact, I pretty much didn’t think about what would come after the baby would arrive. I had baby fever, and I just wanted a baby. I had a pretty successful career. I was traveling a lot for work and really loved my job. Then I got pregnant, and nothing changed. I even took a business trip to Qatar while six months pregnant. I naïvely thought nothing would change.
But it did. Big time.
My son arrived, and I simply couldn’t fathom the possibility of leaving for weeks at a time, which is something I had done on a monthly basis prior to his arrival.
Life changed. My priorities changed. I had a new perspective on what was important. Fast forward four years, and you’ll find me as a stay-at-home mother of two. Whhhaaaaatttt?
I’m pretty sure none of my friends or co-workers saw this coming. I certainly didn’t. Staying at home has been a strange aligning of the stars. My heart tells me that what I’m doing on a daily basis is deeply important and that I’m privileged and lucky to experience every minute with my two kids. My husband doesn’t get to see all the meaningful moments in the day. The beauty and magic of two small people growing up, with me at their side.
There is another angle, though. It pushes and pulls at me. I miss the meetings, the going to work every day, getting dressed up, having my own purpose — something for me. I worry I’ll lose that drive, or I’ll forget how to be good at my job, or, worse, that an employer won’t even want me after I’ve taken a “pause” in the career game.
I worry I’m on Pinterest too much. That I follow too many mom influencers on Instagram. That my interests aren’t varied enough. Will my future co-workers really want to hear about why pooping on the potty is possibly one of the best things ever?
In order to maintain my sanity, I try to remind myself to take a step back and be confident. That I’m doing the right thing.
But sometimes it doesn’t feel right. Sometimes it feels like I’m a traitor to my children for even entertaining a life beyond them. It was OK to hate my real job before kids, but to bemoan moments in my life as a stay-at-home mom? Unthinkable.
I tell myself, “You’re doing the hardest job there is.” I have never been pushed to my limit more in ANY other job. So, safe in this knowledge, I push the doubts away of what a return to work would look like. I’m doing the hardest job there is, which means I can handle pretty much anything.
Hi Nancy,
Know that where you are now is where you should be. The feelings are similar to retiring after being in the work place for many years. Never fear, youve got plenty of years to work. On the negative side of the workplace is the bully which exists everywhere , the difficult personalities one has to deal with. This can be very stressful! Be grateful that you can stay home with your children unlike the mother who cannot and misses all those ‘special’ moments. My friend has just given her notice at work where she has had many difficult times with coworkers to the point where she has gotten physically sick! Stress can kill. I myself can relate to what you are going through. Chin up – before you know it both children will be in school and hopefully if you’re lucky will not move to another city or country once they finish with school, then you can work to your hearts content! You have plenty of time! Mother
Thanks for the share. i get it because I rage the same war inside my head. From thriving career to stay at home mom of two… I regularly battle this game.
Olivia
I am so there right now. I have been staying at home with my kids for almost 3 years now. I never imagined I would be a stay at home mom. I constantly have to remind myself to enjoy it because some days are really hard. It is a season in life and before I know it they will be grown and out of the house. Thank you for writing this article.