Last November we made the jump from one child to three with the addition of our twin girls. We had implemented many of the following approaches, to some degree, with my first child, but now each of these methods enables us to function daily as a family. These tips not only help us stay afloat, they also allow us to create some sense of order during an otherwise very chaotic time in our lives.
Crying is breathing
A dear friend of mine shared this little saying with me after she had her first child and I was pregnant with my twins. I can’t begin to explain how much this obvious idea has helped me. Whether it was something I told myself as we sleep trained the twins or something I tell myself daily as my three children outnumber the two arms I have, at some point (OK, more like multiple points each day) someone is crying. I may be changing a diaper when another wakes up from a nap, or someone is hungry and I can’t make the bottle fast enough. Listening to the crying doesn’t get any easier, but a little perspective goes a long way.
Regroup, recharge, return: It’s OK to walk away
Not only is it OK to walk away for a minute or two, it will probably be the best for everyone. Whether it’s not engaging while my four-year-old throws a fit or not being able to console one of the twins, it is OK to take a moment, breathe, gather myself, and then return. This has allowed me, more often than not, to avoid a battle of wills with my son and calm myself down during those trying evening hours.
Schedules, schedules, schedules
Having a schedule with one baby benefited our family, but once I had the twins a schedule for everyone became a NECESSITY. Having both girls eat and sleep at relativity the same time makes each day more manageable and enables me to actually get out of the house with them. Life is unpredictable, kids even more so, but knowing that nap time is in 20 minutes (and then I can shower) or that there are only 45 minutes until EVERYONE is asleep provides me with the structure we need to get through the day.
Say “yes” to help… and to takeout
I pride myself on being independent and able to handle things on my own. With my first baby I occasionally said yes to help from others, but I rarely, if ever, actually asked for help. Since the addition of the twins I am not shy about asking for help. It may be a playdate for my son after school or picking up a few groceries at the market, but I have learned to ask without shame. On the same note, takeout has become a regular occurrence at our house. Don’t get me wrong — I love cooking, and I try to feed my family as healthily and nutritiously as possible, but if ordering takeout (thank you DoorDash!) makes the evening more manageable or if a burger and fries every once in a while means everyone is smiling at dinner, then why not?
You are the expert on your children: Learn to trust yourself
If I have a bad feeling, I trust it. If I think something is wrong, I act on it. I have always been very in touch with the physical traits of emotions. I feel things deeply and have learned to trust my instincts. However, this was not always the case for me as a mother. When motherhood was new to me I questioned everything. As time went on and my confidence as a parent grew, I learned to trust myself. Whether it is trusting people or situations or assessing the needs of those I love, I realize that I really do know what is best for my family.
What survival tips have you learned along the way?
I agree completely! The one other mantra i always tell myself is “pick your battles”, especially when you have a new infant and 3 year old trying to assert herself constantly. I have learned to let go of my controlling ways, and as long as she is safe, i will often let her win the battles to make our lives easier. “You want to wear your shirt backwards today? Go for it!”
So true Maggie! It has been a struggle for me as well to pick and choose my battles. Its amazing how strong willed these kids can be but you’re right, as long as they’re safe sometimes its just easier to let it go.