Let’s be real here, OK? Remember when you were trying to get pregnant (if you were) and getting busy was a top priority? Then you got pregnant and perhaps had a sex drive. Then you had a baby, and waited those 6 weeks until you got the go ahead from your doctor. You planned and then…well, that was scary. Suddenly everything about the physical relationship with your partner has changed, and you have the excuses to prove it.
I’m not saying you should have an excuse every night, but sometimes the excuses are real and despite your best intentions, “it’s just not happening tonight honey.”
A knock on the door
The struggle is real y’all. The anticipation builds, and then suddenly there’s a knock on the door and you have to bring your little one back to bed after a nightmare. There’s no coming back from that. If and when you do get back to bed, it’s just not happening. Nothing like a scared toddler to ruin a mood.
“Mommy, I need you!”
This one is a bit like the phantom cries you hear when you are showering and you have a newborn (I know I’m not the only one). You know the baby is crying, or calling to you from another room. You just know it! Every time your partner makes a move, you hear that phantom yell. You can’t possibly have sex in case your little one happens to need you. What if, in the throes of passion, your kid just needs a cup of water? What do you do?
You/Your partner fell asleep
This parenting gig is exhausting, no matter how well your children sleep. There will be a time or 2, or 4 or several dozen where you just conk out before the chance even comes up. In your mind, tonight will be the night, but then reality happens. It’s all just too exhausting and overwhelming.
Sleep trumps sex.
This is different from falling asleep. Being too tired is when even the idea of getting romantic makes you want to drink a cup of chamomile tea and get into bed. You’re OK with your partner spooning you, but they better not think of doing anything else! Unless you just plan to lay there, the sheer effort of any sexual act is just too much. You’re exhausted, so that’s a big fat no.
When you are a nursing mom, and especially in the beginning, the fact that your breasts leak doesn’t exactly make you feel like getting naked. There’s nothing sexy about it, and sometimes you just don’t want to be touched while breastfeeding. This is a time when your body isn’t your own, and you don’t want to share it with anyone other than your little dependent baby.
You’d rather stay in yoga pants
They are just so comfortable. The thought of having to take them off just seems well, unnecessary. Why mess with a good thing? Plus, your butt looks fantastic in them.
Too many shows on DVR/Netflix
While DVR may be one of the greatest inventions ever, it’s also a bit of an excuse. Season 3 of Orange is the New Black starts soon and you MUST finish Season 1 & 2 before then!!! If you don’t sit down and binge watch Breaking Bad tonight, you’ll never find the time to catch up on DWTS. It will just snowball from there. So yes, you need to stay on the couch and watch it all.
Bad Dinner Choice
Whether it was the burrito or your kids’ leftover mac and cheese, it’s just not sitting well. There’s no way it’s happening tonight with your stomach staging a coup. Nobody feels sexy when you might need to run to the bathroom at a moment’s notice. Will that stop you from devouring a plate of nachos next time your partner may be in the mood? Probably not.
Just not in the mood
Plain and simple. You just don’t feel like it. You don’t always have to be in the mood. Sometimes a simple “nah, but thanks” can do. There’s no logical explanation for this one. Sometimes you just don’t want to. That’s good enough.
You would rather talk
Getting some really good quality time with your partner can be really hard. Getting time to sit and talk is rare. Sometimes, a good night of catching up, sharing stories and reminiscing can be the best night with your partner.