Passionate About Boston
and the Moms Who Live Here

8 Ways My Toddler is Like My Drunk Best Friend

We’ve all had that friend.  You know the one.  The one who just can’t handle a few cocktails.  The one who gets silly and sloppy after 2 dirty martinis.  Yup, that friend.  Heck, we’ve all been that friend (I know I have).  While sharing some not so proud moments with some girlfriends, I started thinking how my kids (specifically my toddler) are just like that drunk friend.  The one who used to make you call it a night early and caused a mess wherever she went.

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They fall down.  A lot.

Toddlers are not the most graceful.  No matter how well they can move around independently, there’s a certain amount of gracefulness that is lacking.  They trip, they stumble, they fall.  Sure, they aren’t wearing a pair of killer heels and trying to maneuver a cobblestone sidewalk in the snow (Faneuil Hall bars anyone?), but they are always hitting the floor.

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They never stop talking.

OK, I admit it…I’m this friend.  The one who NEVER. SHUTS. UP.  The one who talks your ear off and misses the social cues that the other person just isn’t listening.  Well, that’s kind of how toddlers are.  They talk and talk.  Much of it is nonsensical.  It’s words and gibberish.  They never stop-even if no one is listening.

They cry for no reason.  At the drop of a hat.

How many times has your toddler thrown a tantrum for just no reason at all?  You think everything is good and then the waterworks start.  How many times has your girlfriend done the same thing?  You’re having a great time and then BOOM the tears start flowing.  For no apparent reason.

That laugh…

That laugh.  Everything is funny.  The Beavis and Butthead laugh.  Just laughing and laughing.  Adorable on a toddler.  On a grown woman…not so much?

They are super clingy.

My toddler likes to be on me all the time.  ALL THE TIME.  That drunk friend (the one who is crying for no reason) all of a sudden has no boundaries.  Hugging, kissing, draping themselves all over you.  It doesn’t matter, they are all up in your business.

They want to eat ALL THE FOOD.

I don’t know about your kids, but mine are bottomless pits.  They want a snack, they want to eat lunch NOW, they want to eat whatever you are eating, they want to eat whatever the person in the next room is eating.  Same with that drunk friend-the one who just has to have pizza at 1 in the morning, then goes home and raids the fridge.  Eating, all the time, for no reason.

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They can be really embarrassing.

OK, does this one really need an explanation?  No matter how sweet and adorable they are, your toddler has a moment when they embarrass you.  Maybe it’s a tantrum, maybe throwing food for no reason.  Your girlfriend?  The one with no boundaries?  Bad decisions get made.

They like to take off their clothes.

Does anyone have a toddler that doesn’t like to take off their clothes any chance they get?  How about that girlfriend who turns into a bit of an exhibitionist?

Put those clothes back on!

They want to do it all themselves.

No matter how much they’ve had, your girlfriend still insists she can take care of herself.  She’ll get herself home, she’ll find her jacket, she’ll get to bed no problem.  Yes, toddlers definitely still need help.  We know that, they don’t.  They think they’ve got it all figured out.

The truth is, I’d pick hanging out with my toddler any day over hitting the bars and getting silly.  Hilarious and fun, no hangover!

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