“Game of Thrones” returns tonight for its sixth season. And I, for one, am excited, not only because I’m a huge dork, but also because GOT (as we dorks call it) makes for quality couple time. Together, the hubs and I like to curl up on the couch, pour ourselves a glass of wine, and enjoy all the… “romance.” Otherwise known as bizarro science fiction rife with zombies, wargs, and three-eyed ravens meets medieval-timey killing sprees, torture, and incest. Ahh, love is in the air.
Seriously, this kind of show normally wouldn’t be my thing, but Nick (who had read all the books prior to the HBO series — so clearly the bigger dork) persuaded me to give it a shot, and now I’m hooked. Maybe because it’s clearly a departure from my current life (let’s just say that Nick and I had a lengthy conversation about bagels the other day), but I’m also obsessed with GOT because of all the fantastic characters, including the ones we love to hate — like Cersei Lannister, Queen of the Seven Kingdoms (or Queen Regent, depending on who you ask). Because Cersei, as a mom, makes me look really, really good. And because her kids have way more to complain about than mine — and yours — ever will.
In the words of Cersei’s children — Joffrey, Tommen, and Myrcella Baratheon — here’s the scoop on the lady with the baddest eyebrows around:
1. “So your mom keeps her Crest Whitestrips on at school drop-off. Not cool. My mom did a naked walk of shame in front of the entire village, with a weird nun ringing a little bell behind her. So. Not. Cool.”
2. “Your mom wants you to meet a nice person to one day settle down with. Our mom pimps us out to every kingdom this side of the Wall.”
3. “Your mom sometimes smooches your dad in the kitchen. Arguably embarrassing. My mom got it on next to my brother’s tomb. What the what?”
4. “Your mom wonders if your dates are good enough for you. My mom disapproves of every boyfriend/girlfriend, fiance, or spouse we have. And by disapprove, we mean she tries to have them killed.”
5. “So your mom sometimes sneaks an extra Girl Scout Cookie. Our mom drinks way, way too much wine. Like, goblet after goblet. Before noon.”
6. “And finally… your dad is your dad. Our dad is our uncle. BOOM.”
