It happened again. There I am, browsing through baby clothes, marveling at the cuteness of them all and wondering where the 12-month-olds are who actually fit in 12-month-old clothing. (My son’s been at least three months ahead of his supposed “month” size since day one.) And then suddenly I see red and have my very own personal tantrum right there in the baby aisle. Because seriously, why do they have to put such dumb stuff on children’s clothes?
This week’s culprit in ridiculous children’s clothes:
Because, clearly, teaching children that vegetables are a thing to be feared is a great idea. I mean, really? “Open up for the scary airplane, here comes some rabid broccoli to torture your taste buds. What a brave boy, touching a carrot. Here, have some sugar to help you recover.”
And here are some other gems…
My personal love-to-hate favorite:
Let’s put aside for a moment the rampant and ridiculous sexism that says dads get to be cool while moms are supposed to be hot. Let’s ignore that they’re charging $4.99 for this drivel ($1.99 would be too much). And let’s think through the wisdom of dressing your kid in a bib that makes others (kids and 32-year-old women alike) want to punch it right in the middle of its sexist taunting pink lettering.
I’m probably being a little oversensitive with this one:
But in a world where female politicians and executives get told they need to smile more and where strangers passing on the street tell women to cheer up, I’m just not sure we should be instructing our daughters — on their clothing — to smile. Also, NEVER stop smiling? That’s just not practical.
I’m definitely not being oversensitive with this one:
Is your daddy a psychopath? Presumably, if you’re wearing a onesie, you are about 6 months old and your daddy shouldn’t really be thinking about you as needing protection from marauding 7-month-olds. Since YOU’RE ALL BABIES AND HAVE YOUR WHOLE LIVES TO BE BOXED IN AND OBJECTIFIED. I guess daddy wanted to start early. Does this onesie count as intent to kill? Because if it does, daddy might be getting locked up kinda soon. Shame. Also, can we talk about the impracticality of that ribbon stuff?
And I accidentally stumbled upon this one:
It broke my brain though, so I don’t think I can find anything to say. Except I guess “daddy” decided his threat in the earlier onesie was too subtle?
Despite these ridiculous sayings on children’s clothes, we all need to remember the world is still inhabitable, so I’ll leave you with this to cheer you up:
There’s still hope.
I feel the exact same way! The same goes for boys clothing…why would I want to dress my son in a onesie with a skull? He not a punk skateboarder, he’s a baby! What happened to children’s clothes? Designers, please bring back the classic designs!
I get frustrated at all the ears they put on things. At one point I counted three sets of ears – his jacket, hat and seat… Seemed at little excessive.
This is going to sound like a slightly incoherent rant and for that, I sincerely apologize. Lol. When I made my gift registry for my son over 3 years ago, he was born in the winter, so I added tiny sweaters and coats so I wouldn’t have to worry about hauling a newborn to the store to buy one. EVERY SINGLE ONE HAD EARS! Plus he was teeny, so all winter I looked like I was carrying around a puppy, koala, cat, etc. Boys clothing aisles are a fraction of the size that girls get. I restarted sewing after several years because I was tried of every shirt making him look like a tiny adult with skulls, guns, etc. I like regaining a semblance of control on what he wears. He loves going to the store helping to pick fabric, so he gets to have a small say as well.
Wow the guns don’t kill people onesie is insane! Like the world needs any more ridiculous reasons to promote misogyny. Love the article!
Madison- totally insane. I mean, I kinda went looking for crazy in that instance so thankfully it’s not for sale at your local Target, but still pretty gross. And Kim – making your own baby clothes is so cool. I attempted to make a bib once…
1,000 times yes. And I hate putting skulls, balls or characters on everything for boys. I work hard to find age appropriate stuff for my kids. And stop putting stuff on the butt of pants. Drives me nuts.
Haha yea the pant butt thing gets old. I really don’t see why they have to put stuff on everything – it’s like maybe they’re bored and just playing around with clip art.
I actually like the “Never Stop Smiling” shirt… I think it’s sweet. I mean, who doesn’t love to see a smile, whether on a baby, an elderly person, man, woman, even a puppy? ?
But I agree, the rest are ridiculous. I have a 1.5 year old boy, and it drives me nuts that all boy clothes either have dinosaurs, sports balls, cars and trucks and tractors, monsters, etc. I’ve had the most luck at stores like Zara and H&M, but I have to really pick and choose at places like Gap and Carters.
Oh I know, I’m definitely being a bit of a Scrooge on the smiling thing. But they don’t put it on boys clothes anywhere near as much so I think there is some sexism going on there. Good tips with Zara and h&m. I’ll have to check them out.
Babies can’t read, so I have trouble saying these clothes are teaching them anything. Its just a joke, people. It’s meant to be funny and silly for adults. Because maybe, just maybe, it might make someone smile to read a funny saying at 3am when you have had 38 minutes of sleep and are cleaning up another diaper blowout with a screaming kid in your arms. Stop taking everything so damn seriously.