A good friend of mine just gave birth, and it took me on a journey down memory lane. I remembered the exhaustion, the feelings of complete uncertainty, and thinking everyone else had this motherhood thing down pat. It also reminded me of the things people said to me that just made me want to shove a poopy diaper in their face.
So, dear friend, in honor of you, I am reminding the general internet world of things they just should not say to a new mom (and why they are just ridiculous).
1. “Sleep when the baby sleeps.”
Sage advice, no doubt. Mom does need to get her rest. But, tell me, where are the magic fairies who will do the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and feeding while she sleeps? Please, if you are going to say this to a new mom, it better come with a casserole and a folded load of laundry.
2. “Didn’t you just feed her? She can’t be hungry.”
Well, she’s a newborn. She eats a lot. That’s her thing. And, while we’re talking about feeding, please, oh please, don’t comment on her being too big/small/chunky/skinny. The pediatrician will let me know if there’s a problem, and she’s much too young for body image issues.
3. “You’re nursing too much. You’ll spoil her.”
Not true. Pediatrician said it’s not true. Lactation consultant said it’s not true. Please, I am so worried about getting this motherhood thing right. Just stop.
4. “Can you cover up while nursing?”
Actually, no. You and I don’t wear blankets while eating, and neither will my baby. If you are uncomfortable, you can put a blanket over your head.
5. “Wow! You look exhausted!”
Thank you for noticing. I have been trying to keep a teeny tiny human who is wholly dependent on me alive. What have you been doing?
6. “When are you going back to work?”
However I answer this will lead to some discussion of it being too early or too late, and me feeling guilty. It also assumes I am going back to paid work, which, in my case, was true. More importantly, by not calling maternity leave “work” is discounting the most important, most grueling, and most thankless work. My three-month maternity leave may have been the hardest I’ve ever worked in my life.
So, tell me, what were some of the gems you were told?
