well-behaved children - polite-child discount - Boston Moms Blog
This “polite-child discount” is awarded to some parents at a restaurant in Italy. Photo courtesy Antonio Afcv Ferraris.

Yesterday my 2-year-old and I met a friend for lunch at a diner. He smiled at the waitress when she took our order and played with some toys while we waited for our food. When lunch arrived, he ate it quietly. He didn’t drop his sandwich or throw his fries, he didn’t finish way before me and whine to leave. He chatted and smiled and was a total delight. 

If we’d been eating at the Italian restaurant that’s been in the news lately, we’d have definitely been given the polite-child discount. They might even have comped our entire meal, he was that good. But here’s the thing: I wouldn’t want it. In fact, I bristle whenever I read about some well-meaning stranger paying a family’s bill or leaving a note to congratulate them on their technology-free, angelic-child dinner. Because in my mind those parents have already won the restaurant lottery. They don’t need strangers patting them on the back for it. 

The other reason it bugs the heck out of me is because it’s the days where we resort to technology or spend the entire meal chastising our children for throwing spaghetti that we most need a friendly pat on the back. And all this rewarding of the lucky restaurant lottery winners just makes us feel worse when really, provided we’re trying our hardest to stop little Suzie from lobbing ice across the room or yodeling at ear-piercing levels, we should be getting our own pats on the back for attempting to participate in civilized society. 

Look, I don’t like letting my son use the tablet to make it through a meal. I want him to learn to talk with adults and entertain himself by drawing with crayons rather than eating them. I go out to restaurants with a bag packed to the brim with books and snacks and non-tech entertainment. But sometimes food service is slow or naps were missed; sometimes my marriage is crying out for a conversation or a friend is tearfully telling me about her sick grandma, and me picking up fallen breadsticks/discouraging crayon consumption every two seconds isn’t helping. Sometimes I just need five minutes to stare out the window before being launched back into the fray. 

So please, restaurant owners and strangers alike, on the days where my son is a delight, please know there are just as many days where he is a terror. And when you see a tired mother reluctantly hand over a tablet, bear in mind that there may be a million reasons why she needs to do it — and she’s probably already beating herself up for it. And if you must reward those lucky parents with their polite, angelic children, maybe consider sending free wine over to the rest of us. We need it. 

1 COMMENT

  1. Yes! I also go technology free with my kids as well, but once and awhile I give my son my iPhone and I feel guilty. I shouldn’t feel guilty though, sometimes the only time that my son touches my iPhone is occasionally when we are in public. I must admit though, I’m always happy to get a discount on a meal if the restaurant is offering 🙂

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