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As a personal trainer and group fitness instructor, I work with women who are focusing on their goals and hopes for their bodies. I’ve seen how maintaining a healthy lifestyle can be a struggle, and that challenge becomes even more apparent over the holidays. Through those experiences and my own issues with body image, weight fluctuations, and unhealthy relationships with food, I have learned a ton about common barriers we face — and how to overcome them. The holidays should be a time for enjoying family and friends, not for stressing about the edible temptations that seem to be around every corner. Here are a few tips for changing your mindset so you can spend this holiday season loving on those around you and feeling wonderful about yourself.

1. Start the season with a goal

Look, we all know that setting goals significantly increases your chance of success. Spend a little time defining what your goal is for this holiday season. Not gaining 10 pounds is an OK goal, but challenge yourself to go a little further. Answer these two questions and you’ll have a better picture of what your holiday health goal is:

  • How do you want to feel on January 2?
  • On January 2, what do you want to say about your holiday health experience?

2. Never go to a party hungry

I am a hungry person. In fact, I could probably add “hungry” to my list of personality traits, like “energetic” and “joyful.” So it’s a challenge for me to go just about anywhere without being hungry. But, before going to a party where I know there will be tons of delicious sweet goodies and delectable savory treats, I make sure to eat at least one whole meal. That way, by the time I get there, I may only have room to embarrass myself by returning to the charcuterie board just under 20 times before moving on to desserts. All that to say, if you go to a holiday party hungry, you are going to eat things you don’t want to. So just don’t do it.

3. Enjoy, I repeat, enjoy the treats

We’ve all been there. Made the vow to avoid all baked goods for the holidays, then somewhere around December 17, you come to from a blackout where you somehow made your way into your neighbor’s kitchen and are now elbow deep in a tin of peppermint bark. Cue the self-loathing. Initiate the downward spiral into a diet consisting exclusively of greasy, sugary goodness. Here’s what’s up, ladies: Deprivation does not work. Attempt it, and you will fail. Allow yourself your favorite holiday treat, then enjoy it. Savor it. Even if it means stepping away from the crowd to appreciate a few bites of that perfectly iced peppermint buttercream cupcake, do it! (I know it sounds weird, but I’ve done it… and it was wonderful.) Here’s the thing — that first bite or two will most likely be glorious. Then, typically, after a few bites of truly enjoying a treat, you’ll begin to enjoy it a little less. Then a little less. Then? Put the dang thing down and go hang out with some people! That level of presence with your food is definitely an art, but it’s well worth spending the time to work toward it!

4. Do not beat yourself up when you fail

This may be the most important tip of all. Let’s be honest — at some point this holiday season, you are going to fail in your healthy eating endeavors at least once. Most people’s attempt at healthy eating fails altogether when they fail once. Do not fall into this trap. Listen: You will fail. It’s OK. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and do your best again. Don’t wait until tomorrow. Don’t wait until the end of the party. Start again right now.

5. Love your body

Let me shoot straight. By “love your body,” I don’t mean “look in the mirror and sing ‘I love everything about this body of mine!‘” What I am encouraging you to do is to actively show your body love — care for it. When you love another person, what do you do? You do your best to make them feel loved, right? You say nice things to them, you do nice things for them, you try, in some way, to meet their needs. I know this may sound crazy, but you can do the same thing for your very own body! Step outside of yourself just a little bit. Unwind that nutty little web that has your psyche and your body so deeply intertwined, and look at your body, as best as you can, as a separate part of you. Then, treat your body with kindness and grace. Work out, then thank your body for its amazing ability to crush that workout, or at least do its best. Feed yourself good food when you can. When you do (here’s the kicker), thank yourself for it! You know that passionate scolding you gave yourself for binging on your mother-in-law’s famous chocolate chip cookies? Do you think you could get that fired up about the salad you munched on for lunch? Cause that was TOTALLY AWESOME! Seriously. Love your body. It deserves it, and it will thank you right back.

I hope these tips help you have the most wonderful holiday season yet!