I’ve never seen a negative pregnancy test. I’ve never counted the days on the calendar, waiting and hoping, only to get my period and experience heartbreak. I don’t take my temperature or keep track of my cycle. I don’t know when I ovulate. And I’ve been pregnant multiple times.
I know, I sound like a self-congratulatory jerk. “Oh, look at me, I get pregnant so easily. Fertile as can be!” The truth is, my husband and I have simply been lucky. We discuss having a baby and then don’t even get to have fun trying because I get pregnant almost immediately. It’s been a shock every single time to see a positive pregnancy test without even thinking it could happen. A celebration every time, but still a shock to see it without even really trying.
And I feel bad.
I have friends who have been through all the heartbreak. Who have spent countless resources, time, and energy trying desperately to have a baby of their own. Who plan their lives around IVF or waiting for that call from the adoption agency. I’ve seen relationships break apart because a couple couldn’t conceive. My heart breaks for them. Then they ask me, “How long did it take you?” I don’t want them to know. Because it didn’t take any time. I don’t want them to be mad, or angry, or feel anything negative about themselves. I dance around the answer.
People will always celebrate another’s pregnancy, even when they are having trouble of their own. But I’ve been told how much it hurts to try and try to get pregnant and know that your fertile friend effortlessly gets what you want more than anything in the world. I’m so incredibly grateful that this has never been a difficult road for us. But if I’m ever with a friend who is telling me about her struggle — while I’m silently celebrating my own pregnancy — my heart hurts. I feel actual guilt that it’s not been a struggle. It sounds crazy to feel guilty for being pregnant, doesn’t it? But it’s the truth.
That’s not to say it’s an easy road. Even though I do seem to be quite fertile, it doesn’t come without its own set of worries and fears. Every pregnancy scares me. With every pregnancy I worry and wonder if things are OK. I’m right there with you mamas who are trying so hard and hoping for the best. I worry, I pray, and I hope.
So for those of you who are on the difficult road, I’m sorry. I feel for you. I really do. I’ve been lucky, yes, and one day I hope you will be too.
I know how you feel , I got off bc and my husband and I said let’s have a baby…we didn’t count , didn’t do any calendar type things but had a baby within the year. Everyone asks how long we were trying, I’m like does getting of bc count as trying??? If so less than 6 months, but we just had sex when it was fun not on any schedule.
I feel this exact way. I’m currently pregnant with our 4th and it was just a happy surprise one. I have so many friends who would do anything for children and I just keep popping them out, no problems. Love this post. Thanks for it!
As someone who struggles with infertility, let me tell you, that the fact that you are aware of your friends’ feelings is enough. You shouldn’t have to feel guilty that you don’t struggle to get pregnant, but just being sensitive to their feelings is so refreshing. I can’t tell you how many of my friends aren’t despite knowing our struggles and do come across as bragging. I’m sure your friends appreciate your kindness! <3