Passionate About Boston
and the Moms Who Live Here

Let’s End the Mommy Wars

‘Tis the season for resolutions, often around organizing and healthy living (two of my favorite topics!). This year for me is about taking care of myself and connecting with people I love. I also want to work hard to fight the ugly Mommy Wars — and focus on using compassion and bringing light into my life and my community.

Being a mom is so hard, and when other other moms are mean it only makes it harder. When people make judgments about each other’s parenting choices, it shows insecurity, which breeds disrespect. But it does not have to be this way.

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The only people who can change this is us.

Here are my plans for ending the Mommy Wars. Join me!

Be confident

There are no right answers for the parenting gig. Who really knows if we are doing the right thing? There are no check plusses or medals here. There is no one right way to parent. When you make a choice, be proud enough of yourself to try it. When you make a mistake, try to own it. There are many paths of parenting, all with the same goal — to help little humans grow into amazing bigger humans. The more confident you are in your own choices, the less you judge other people’s choices.

Be curious and listen

Reserve judgment and be curious. Why is that mom breastfeeding past infancy? Why are those moms all hovering over their kids? In my experience, the answers will fascinate you if you are brave enough to have an open heart and ask. It could be something as simple as she doesn’t have the heart to wean or she has a plan to combat family illnesses she fears with extended breastfeeding. That helicopter mom clan? They might be a bit much, but they also might be a moms group that bonded over their preemie babies after meeting in the NICU. We all have reasons for who we are as moms, so open up your heart and be curious. Ask questions, and listen! The more I listen, the more I realize how amazing my fellow moms are.

Build an array of friends

The more curious you are, the more people you will meet. It’s so fun to have friends who are like you, but to have friends different than you is eye opening! I love my tapestry of friends because I learn from each of them and try to continue to do so with everyone I meet. Read Rachel’s article for the five friends every mom needs!

Be kind to myself 

I spend a lot of time feeling guilty for being a working mom, for not being a good enough friend, for not being on every committee at work, for missing my kids’ events sometimes. Let me tell you, the list goes on and on. But it is time to be good to myself, and then I will be nicer to everyone.

Be kind to others and show vulnerability

It’s obvious, but true. I hope we can choose to be nice, and I hope we can model that for our kids. The job of raising humans is no joke. By showing that you are not perfect allows us all to exhale a bit and bond. By keeping it real, I hope that I both forgive myself for my random fails and engender a sense of realism for my girls and my fellow moms. Any time I see another mom struggling, I look at her and say, “I’ve been there, sister friend,” and most of the time she softens. Better yet, if I don’t have my own crew in tow, I try to lend a helping hand. Many, many people have done this for me, but once in awhile people say horrible things that start with, “Word to the wise…” And my hands are too full to smack them. Be nice!

You have a voice!

I am so grateful to write for this blog. The fact that you are reading my words is very special to me. I do this because I am lucky enough to have this voice to try to break down the awkward walls within this isolating space of parenting. Hopefully, you can use your voice, too, to connect with other moms and so that we can do this together and be friends.

So let’s end the Mommy Wars together and stop being mean girls. But don’t worry… we can still wear pink on Wednesdays.

Do you have any ideas on how we can change our culture? Comment below, and let’s do this!

 

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One Response to Let’s End the Mommy Wars

  1. Alexa Bigwarfe February 9, 2016 at 3:48 pm #

    Yes! This is exactly how we feel with our #losethecape philosophy! Being mom is hard enough, we should have each other’s backs, right? Love this essay and we shared it on our facebook page! Alexa – founder, Lose the Cape!

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