self-care - Boston Moms Blog

“What do you do that’s just for YOU?”

My husband has asked me this question several times over the course of the last few weeks. And every single time he asks, I stare at him blankly or look down. I never have an answer. It’s not that I don’t want to answer the question. But I honestly don’t have a response. The most recent time he asked I was able to muster, “I got my hair cut tonight.” And for me, that was a big deal. 

I don’t frequently get my hair cut. It happens about twice a year (and that’s double the frequency it once was). I typically let my hair grow until it becomes an unhealthy mess I attempt to hide with bobby pins and a messy bun. Then, I finally get so fed up with how awful it looks that I go to the salon and have a couple of inches chopped off. I used to just show up at Super Cuts or Great Clips in a frenzy and hope for the best. But I stepped up my game a bit last fall and visited an actual salon. For some people that may not seem like much. For me, it’s a huge step in taking care of myself in a way I had never bothered to before. 

It’s not that I dislike getting my hair cut. So what’s with the avoidance? Making an appointment for a haircut may seem like a small thing, but for me — and I’m sure for many of you out there — it isn’t that simple. It requires some planning! Sure, I can make appointments online (which is amazing for those of us with phone anxiety!). But choosing an appointment time is the bigger obstacle. Between work, picking up my son, other appointments, my husband’s travel schedule, and Saturday soccer games, finding a time for a haircut is no easy task. I also have a hard time justifying the cost of a haircut. It may not be breaking the bank, but I have a hard time spending money on myself.

And more than anything else, when it comes to things like haircuts, or manicures, or reading books, I don’t make time for them because I always feel there are more important things I should be doing. There’s the constant flow of laundry that needs to be washed, folded, and put away; the steady stream of dishes that goes between the sink, dishwasher, and cabinets; the need for my son to be attached to me when it’s the most inconvenient.

As I try to be the Caitlin I want to be for my students, husband, son, family, and friends, I don’t know how to make time for the seemingly small things that are for me and no one else. I loved reading and miss books. I once read “The Da Vinci Code” in one night because I just couldn’t put it down. Since my son was born four years ago, I can count on one hand how many books I have read. I don’t think this problem is unique. I know I’m not alone in struggling to do things that don’t seem to help my family or my job.  

Maybe your lack of self-care has nothing to do with a haircut or reading. Maybe it’s an eye appointment you’ve been putting off despite the fact that your glasses are older than your children. It could be that you really need to buy some new jeans since the last pair you bought was for the first New Kids reunion tour in 2008. Self-care looks different for every man, woman, and child out there. What makes you happy and makes you feel like you can handle whatever obstacles life is sending your way may not look like what your closest friend needs to feel confident and assured. And that’s fine. 

But collectively, we moms need to make sure we are happy and rested and cared for the same way we work so hard to ensure our children and husbands and co-workers and friends have their needs met. I’m still unsure how to accomplish this. But one thing I know — what you do to care for yourself isn’t nearly as important as ensuring you do care for yourself. And that’s something every mom can work on!

self-care - Boston Moms Blog

Caitlin Hynes
Caitlin is Massachusetts townie, having moved only a half mile away from her childhood home in the suburbs after getting married. She met her husband Patrick during their freshman year of high school, though it was definitely not love at first sight (for either of them). The sparks flew four years later, after a couple other significant others and reconnecting after a year away at college. She has been married since fall of 2009 and became a mom to one tiny tornado of a boy in July 2014. She holds a Bachelor's degree in Psychology with a minor in Education from Assumption College as well Master's degrees in School Counseling and Teaching Students with Severe Special Needs from Assumption and Fitchburg State. Despite solemnly swearing she'd never become a teacher, that's exactly what she did and currently works as a teacher for students with special needs ages 18-22, as well as advising her school's Best Buddies chapter. She comes from a loud, close-knit family and holds very strong opinions on ridiculous things, but tries to surround herself with people who appreciate her for it, or at least despite of it. Loves: Coffee, Diet Coke, random snuggles from her preschooler, Dairy Queen blizzards brought home for her by her husband. Hates: Inspirational Instagram pictures, traffic, folding laundry, random temper tantrums from her preschooler.