One night a few years ago, I had finally had enough. I hadn’t slept through the night in about 10 months, and my son was teething for the umpteenth time. I was up at 1 a.m., and I had to just walk away from my child who had done nothing but scream at me for the last two hours. I was ready to throw my hands up and give up on this whole motherhood thing. To take a moment to calm myself down, I opened Facebook and was immediately met with a Houston Moms Blog post reminding me about National Infertility Awareness Week.
I stopped in my tracks. With that one article, I felt a flurry of emotions that reminded me I had fought for three years for this sleepless night. I asked for these moments — to nurse my son through teething pains and calm his screams. To wipe his tears and hold him until he fell asleep. I immediately put down my phone, went back to my son’s room, and soothed him to sleep. Once he fell asleep, I posted this Facebook status:
“I normally don’t share something so personal on Facebook–because I like to reserve it as a place for sunshine and rainbows:
Tonight, as I was rocking my baby to sleep at 1:30am and it was apparent that teething has decided to make another appearance, I was reminded that it is National Infertility Awareness Week, a cause that is very near and dear to my heart. Due to my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, it took us three years–and six months at a fertility specialist–to conceive our son. After thinking about how much work it took just to get him here, suddenly the teething wasn’t so bad. Every moment with my child–from the morning sickness to sleepless nights to laughter and smiles–has been such a blessing, and I thank God every day for giving us the science and the doctors to help so many women, like myself, who struggle with infertility.
I also pray for the women who continue to struggle, and I hope that my story brings you hope. You’re not alone–and miracles do happen.”
What’s so amazing about this particular status is that it was the very first time I acknowledged my infertility on Facebook. My son was 14 months old at the time, but I had never before mentioned on social media our struggles to get pregnant, my PCOS, or my heartbreak every time someone else announced a pregnancy on Facebook. One reason I didn’t share our infertility struggles was because I was friends with work colleagues, and a pregnancy could complicate teaching assignments for a given semester. Mainly though, I didn’t want to be a bummer on Facebook. I didn’t want my 650 friends to be waiting for news or asking me, “So?? How did the IUI go this morning?!” In real life, we were very open with our friends and family about our efforts to get pregnant, but on Facebook, I continued to only put up happy pictures of my husband, me, our dog, and our cat. But I would cry when yet another woman announced a pregnancy on Facebook without a hint of any sort of struggle. Seeing happy announcement after happy announcement made me think I was the only woman in the world having a difficult time getting pregnant.
Years later, when I finally opened up about my infertility on Facebook, I received a flurry of private messages — from friends all over the world — confessing that they, too, were struggling to get pregnant. I would not have even guessed that these women were also experiencing infertility. The same thing happened when I wrote about my surprise pregnancy after experiencing infertility. More friends opened up to me about their past and current struggles. It amazed me to hear their stories, and I was so glad I could share my success stories and give them encouragement and hope. I’m also happy to say that so many of these women were able to overcome infertility and have welcomed, or will soon welcome, their babies.
So today, I write to the women who think they are alone. Who have seen yet another ultrasound photo pop up on their Facebook feed and are wondering when it will be their turn to share that happy announcement. Who yearn to post bump pictures. Who want to one day hold their own babies and rock them through sleepless nights. I promise you, you are not alone. You are not the only one with this struggle. It’s not easy to talk about infertility over social media, but chances are that more than one of your 500+ Facebook friends is experiencing the same thing you are. I pray that you are able to find the support you need and that you will soon defeat infertility. And hopefully, my story will serve to encourage and uplift you as you wait for your miracle baby.
