I’ll admit it. Before I was a mom, I had some crazy ideas about how I was going to parent my children. For example:
I’ll never dress my kids in matching clothes.
It’s too cutesy, I thought. My kids have different personalities and, thus, should dress differently. Well, it turns out they want to match. They like it. They ASK to wear the same clothes, and man, it really is cute. And it turns out it’s also very sensible. We were at the Children’s Museum one Saturday morning and I saw three little girls in matching red dresses. It occurred to me that if one should go missing (heaven forbid), that mother could tell authorities exactly what she was wearing, because her two sisters were wearing exactly the same thing. Smart.
Princesses have no place in my house.
I consider myself a feminist, and I intend to raise my daughters to be strong women, to the best of my ability. I thought this meant that princesses, and all the stereotypes that went along with that, were out for us. Until I went to preschool pickup and found my daughter in the dramatic play area in a princess dress, having a blast. I realized that strong women can still love wearing a beautiful dress. So princesses came into our house, in small doses, and they are just one interest among many. Belle is just a nerd at heart who loves to read. Ariel has an awesome singing voice and values her friends. Snow White, the OG, found joy in the most mundane tasks and loved caring for others. And, of course, Anna and Elsa are beloved sisters.
My kids will eat everything.
Hahahahahahaha! Man, was I naive. I was in a class at the now-defunct Isis Maternity, and we were talking about eating solid foods. When the teacher asked what we were planning to do, I said, “My kids will eat everything we eat.” Um, no. As my first daughter got older she eliminated foods from her diet rather than added them. And it turns out that children’s’ menus exist because those are the foods kids like to eat! I’m 99 percent sure that being selective about food is the way my daughters assert their independence, and it has little to do with the taste of food. Regardless, I was just plain wrong on this one.
My marriage will come first.
Parents with young children are in survival mode most of the time. Whoever is the neediest at any given moment is the one who is getting all the attention. My husband’s an independent and self-sufficient guy, so he’s often NOT the one getting my attention. Right after we brought our second daughter home from the hospital, my husband and I didn’t really speak to each other for three days! We were figuring out how to be parents of two kids, and those kids are constantly pulling us in different directions. So in this stage of life, our kids come first and our marriage comes second. We steal a moment in the car when both of them have somehow fallen asleep, or at the park when standing side by side pushing swings. As our kids get older, those moments will get longer and longer. But for now, we collapse on the couch at the end of the day, exhausted, and watch Netflix, side by side.
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned since becoming a mother is the importance of flexibility. If your kids are playing contentedly together but you had plans to go to the park, don’t break the peace and shove them out the door. Wait until they start to maul each other, and THEN shove them out the door! Our kids learn to be flexible when we model it for them. It’s OK to say we were wrong. It’s OK to change our minds. We don’t have to have our own way all the time. Thank you, my little girls, for reminding me of these lessons.
