Like many couples, my husband and I figured that when we were ready to have children, we would get pregnant easily. We had no reason to assume otherwise. Unfortunately, we were wrong. Upon receiving the news that we would need to go through in vitro fertilization (IVF) in order to get pregnant, our emotions ran the gamut. There were emotions I expected, there were some I was warned about, and there were many more I experienced during our journey. And there were a few additional emotions I did not expect, which took me by surprise.

The lack-of-surprise factor

My mother longed for grandbabies for a long time. I couldn’t wait to someday surprise her with the news that we were pregnant. When I learned we would be going through IVF, I knew I would need the support of close family and friends and therefore confided in a few of them, including her. Though having their support was worth it, it made it not so surprising when I did end up getting pregnant. In the grand scheme of things, it was low on the list of things to worry about, but the emotion was still there.

The guilt

After our first cycle, we were fortunate to end up with several embryos. On our first try with a single embryo, I got pregnant, had a healthy pregnancy, and gave birth to our first baby nine months later. When we were ready for a second, we transferred another one of our embryos on a natural cycle. That embryo split, and we had twins. Most people think of IVF as a long, drawn-out, emotional process, and that was my expectation going in. While our journey was still emotional, we were fortunate to have things go our way at every step. I was surprised at how guilty I felt for having such an “easy” time while so many others have not had things go so smoothly. But I am often reminded that no matter how smoothly things go, IVF is never easy.

The strength

It takes a lot of strength to go through the IVF process, which should not have been surprising to me, but it was. The experience helped me to be really in tune with my body, it taught me patience, and it made me ask lots of questions. It led me to be very well-prepared to keep expectations in check. These tools, unbeknownst at the time, helped me through my pregnancies and births and became valuable tools as I became a parent. 

Being three kids deep into parenthood, I do not reflect too often on my journey with IVF. It is one of those experiences where only those who have gone through it truly know the complexity of the emotions that come along with it, both before, during, and after the process. While there were ups, downs, and a slew of emotions in between, I know it was an experience that has made me a stronger person. For that, and for my three babies, I am grateful.

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