passover with childrenAround this time of year I make it a point to reread the New York Times article, The Stories That Bind Us. I’m guessing Bruce Feiler didn’t realize he was writing about Passover when he first authored it, but his words resonate with me as a metaphor for the Seder.

Feiler says we are more secure, grounded, and able to handle adversity when we know our families’ stories. Psychologists have found that every family has a unifying narrative, which takes one of three shapes.

1. The “ascending family” narrative: “Son, when we came to this country, we had nothing. Our family worked. We opened a store. Your grandfather went to high school. Your father went to college. And now you…”

2. The “descending family” narrative: “Sweetheart, we used to have it all. Then we lost everything.”

3. The “oscillating family” narrative: “Dear, let me tell you, we’ve had ups and downs in our family. We built a family business. Your grandfather was a pillar of the community. Your mother was on the board of the hospital. But we also had setbacks. You had an uncle who was once arrested. We had a house burn down. Your father lost a job. But no matter what happened, we always stuck together as a family.”

“The most healthful narrative,” the article continues, “is . . . the oscillating family narrative.” This third narrative is the story of the Jewish people — even more precisely, it is the Passover story, the tale of our flight from Egypt. Each year, we tell and retell it to the next generation. As we are commanded, we tell it as if we were the ones who left slavery, not our distant ancestors.

The singular goal of the Seder is to tell that story — OUR story — to ourselves and our children. Some take the commandment literally; we read the story, verbatim, from the Haggadah. Others choose a different method, especially with younger children, to make the Seder engaging, entertaining, and educational. Neither way is right or wrong, but perhaps you may find one a more effective method of bringing the story to the younger generation.

Should you choose a more creative methodology, here are some ideas to step things up at your Passover Seder with kids this year. Pick and choose the right activities for your attendees that will create a meaningful evening for everyone in attendance.

For a Passover Seder with young kids

  • Act out the story, complete with costumes and props.
  • Task the kids with building pyramids (out of Legos, blocks, etc.) and then have “Pharaoh” enter and chase them out of the house.
  • Play “Passover Bingo” (buy it here or download some boards here).
  • Practice the Four Questions ahead of time (text and tune).
  • Paint your nails with the Midrash Manicures Passover set and discuss the plagues.
  • Sing lots of songs — the traditional and beyond.
  • Use props for the ten plagues, likes masks, finger puppets, or this “Bag of Plagues.”

For a Passover Seder with older children

  • Give guests the opportunity to answer questions stationed around the room, before the Seder begins. Last year, as guests walked in, we encouraged people to think about what they’d take with them as they fled Egypt. We left the “Egyptian evacuation kit” sign up all week long, which meant that people added their thoughts over the entire holiday.
  • Ask big questions, like:
    • What would be our modern-day 10 plagues?
    • What would you pack if you had to leave Egypt in a hurry?
    • Two midwives, Shifra and Pu’ah, defied Pharaoh’s decree to kill all the Jewish baby boys (and saved Moses). What injustices do you want to do something about? How do you know when it’s time to be an up-stander, instead of a bystander?
    • What keeps us enslaved today? How can we free ourselves?
  • Encourage kids to prepare and lead pieces of the Seder. Practicing ahead of time gives kids the confidence to shine.
  • Tell stories of past family Seders.
  • Create Passover versions of your favorite board game (i.e., Taboo or Apples to Apples with Passover-specific cards).

General Passover Seder tips

  • Pick the right Haggadah. Or, if you’re going to give everyone a different Haggadah (which works for some crowds but not others) make sure to have a list of page numbers people can follow.
  • Add musical instruments (like a tambourine!).
  • Be deliberate about where you seat people. Who do you want sitting next to whom? Who do you want to have access to the kitchen to help?
  • Make sure you’ve got all the necessary pieces. Kosher On A Budget has a great checklist.
  • Start early enough that you can accomplish your goals without people leaving in the middle/falling asleep/starting to whine.
  • Invite new people every year. New friends (Jewish or not!) bring a new perspective to the Seder, which means more questions are asked, deeper discussions are had, and everyone learns something new.

Not hosting your own Seder?

Ask the host if you can help plan it so that the kids can participate. If that doesn’t work, feel free to bring props, books, or kid-friendly Haggadah to keep the kids engaged. Resist the temptation to send the kids away from the table to play without giving them a chance to participate first.

The Seder is the telling of the foundational story of our people. We’ve all sat through long and boring Seders! This year, let’s give our kids a Passover Seder that is engaging, educational, and fun.