It’s the beginning of a new school year, and the issue of separation anxiety may be on your mind. This topic hits close to home for me. When my daughter started preschool, she cried every morning at drop-off. I’m not talking a few tears; I mean full-out hysterical screaming! She would cling to me like Velcro while I was also holding my son in my arms. The teacher would have to pry her off me, and I could hear her crying from down the hall.
It broke my heart every morning.
At first, I would call after an hour to see how she was doing. The teachers would say she was a bit sad but doing fine. After about a week, the crying and clinging continued, but when I called they would tell me she was smiling and having a great time. I knew she was happy, learning, and making friends, but the drop-offs continued to be heartbreaking. The guilt of leaving her in that state was overwhelming.
The crying at drop-off continued for… wait for it… two years! Can you believe that?! Most children get over separation anxiety after around two weeks — not two years! Although my daughter truly loved school, she got in the habit of crying at drop-off, and we couldn’t break the habit. I was getting very concerned, and I was sure she’d be crying and clinging to me when I dropped her off at her dorm on the first day of college.
I read every book, tried every trick, and nothing seemed to work.
Finally, in my daughter’s third year of preschool, the crying subsided, with the occasional tears at drop-off. By the end of the year, the crying stopped. Then, the following year, it was time for her to start kindergarten — in a new town where she didn’t know anyone! I just knew the crying and clinging would begin again, and the daily heartbreak would return.
I braced myself that first day of kindergarten, but her tears never came. She smiled, waved, and ran right in. And guess what I did? I cried! Tears of sadness that my baby was so big, but also tears of happiness at how far she had come. She came running out at pick-up that day and declared, “Kindergarten is the best place in the world!”
My daughter is in second grade now, and she has not cried one morning at drop-off since those first years of preschool. Sometimes she’s so excited to be at school she runs in and barely says goodbye to me. I look at her and wonder where the little girl who used to cling to me went. I’m so proud of her and of how brave she has become. I don’t know what caused the change; it certainly wasn’t any of the tricks I tried. Maybe she developed at her own “normal” rate and was finally emotionally mature enough to handle the separation.
It can feel like the daily heartbreak at drop-off will never end, and I hope that if your child is struggling with separation anxiety, it doesn’t last long. When your little one is clinging to you with tears in their eyes, think about the girl who cried at drop-off for two years and now runs into school full of happiness. Don’t lose hope — know that you will get there, and it will be that much sweeter when you see your child happy. I’m just glad I don’t have to sleep on the top bunk in my daughter’s dorm room, although that could be fun!
I suppose I will be the one having separation anxiety when that day comes.
